Ryslig | Inbox
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post-fog
Date: 2022-09-10 10:40 pm (UTC)Shoka's invitation gives her an excuse, though. And now that she's trying to relax, or burn off some extra energy - now that she's revived, now that the fog is gone and she can fit inside buildings again - she takes the kelpie up on her invitation.
It's a cloudy afternoon when Nanami finally arrives at the Cube, slowly crawling in through the entry hall and looking around for Shoka. ]
Hello? [ This place seems empty... ]
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Date: 2022-09-12 07:31 am (UTC)Chiaki, hey! [Nanami doesn't have to wait long for Shoka to come to meet her, making a beeline from one of the two hallways that branch off from the main chamber. The Kelpie seems to be in high spirits, grinning broadly.] Glad you made it!
[She was... only just a bit worried that Nanami wouldn't, but it looks like she's gotten the hang of her Nymph form by now. Way to use those roots, Chiaki!]
Managed to save one of the rooms for us, so you better be ready to try some FanGO.
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Date: 2022-09-13 06:40 am (UTC)[ Nanami gives Shoka a relieved smile. She's been looking forward to this for a while, actually. And being in a strange place is a lot less nervewracking when you're with a friend. ]
I'm ready...! How does, um, all of this work? [ Looking around the hall for any signs of how the Cube is supposed to work - rules, instructions, that sort of thing... ]
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Date: 2022-09-14 04:11 am (UTC)[Motioning for Nanami to follow, she starts off toward the end of the chamber, slowing to a leisurely pace that the Nymph can keep up with. The main hall doesn't seem to offer much in the way of guides or instructions beyond the neon signs above each passageway before them: one is marked with a pair of crossed fists, and the other with what appears to be a reset button.]
I think I gave you a short version of the rundown a while back... But the rooms in this place let you simulate whatever you want, basically. All you have to do is go in, and they'll change... And you can change, too, back to whatever you were before. It's not real, obviously... But for me, it's kind of like going back home for a bit—being back in Shibuya, and being human again. You can look human again, too, if you want.
[Having clearly been to the Cube many times before, she knows exactly where she's going; she heads for the hallway beneath the reset button.]
Since it's whatever you want, pretty much, I can get my phone back and play FanGO the same way I used to—and so can anyone else, as long as they know what to ask for.
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Date: 2022-09-14 08:21 am (UTC)You can change to... anything? [ That... sounds like a lot of choice? A lot of responsibility? All of a sudden it feels like a lot of responsibility to choose. ]
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Date: 2022-09-14 04:35 pm (UTC)[Though she wonders now if she'd be able to be a Reaper again instead and pretend to have her old psychs back. As far as she can tell, there doesn't seem to be any reason she couldn't.
The hallway that stretches before them is strangely reminiscent of a karaoke place, neon-lit and lined with doors. Before they get too far, Shoka, having noticed the way Nanami looked at the other hallway, pauses to point in the other direction.]
Oh, yeah. That way goes to that no permadeath arena I mentioned. [She shrugs.] I guess we can give that a shot too later... if you're into that sorta thing.
[They never did make good on that promise they'd made to each other in the TV world, after all. But today is for FanGO first and foremost.
Having also noticed how the talk of changing had effected Nanami, seeming to leave her deep in thought, Shoka checks in before continuing on.] You still with me?
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Date: 2022-09-16 08:18 am (UTC)Sorry! Yes!! [ She quickly doubles back to rejoin Shoka at the kelpie's side. ] It's just... a lot to think about, I guess!
[ She stares at the door, as if it'll give her some indication of what she's supposed to be in the Cube. ] Um... you first?
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Date: 2022-09-16 07:29 pm (UTC)[She opens the door, stepping in first and latching it closed behind Nanami. There's nothing threatening to be found inside; in fact, it's empty, the small space containing only them and a dim light emanating from the ceiling.
That is, until Shoka activates it by placing her hand on the wall. In the blink of an eye, the room seems to unfold and expand before them, until there isn't a room at all. Suddenly, they're outside in the warm, bright light of midday, standing on a street corner before Shibuya Crossing. It's alive with noise and bustling with activity; they're out of the thick of it, sheltered in a treelined and more open spot between the crossing and the loyally waiting statue of Hachiko, but ahead of them skyscrapers loom and the streets teem with throngs of simulated people going about their simulated lives.
Just as she described before, Shoka changes automatically, without thinking. Her Kelpie features fade in an instant, and when she turns to face Nanami, she looks human again, beaming and clad in her trademark Mr. Mew hoodie.]
Well... here we are.
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Date: 2022-09-16 07:39 pm (UTC)The summer. With the psych pins in her pink bag, just like she has on right now. Back when she learned how to use her water powers, too.
The memory floating out of her subconscious is enough to trigger a change - but not the expected one. With a little shimmer, her nymph features fade away, purple and pink scales blossoming on her form; her roots replaced with legs again, her fronds shrinking down into head-tentacles. She's even wearing the complete mess of an outfit that she designed with Atem in the clothes shop.
Nanami stumbles as, for the first time in months, she's touching the ground not with several smaller points, the many roots holding her up, but with two thicker legs, instead. When she looks at her hand, she realizes the change hasn't gone as expected. ]
Ah...?
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Date: 2022-09-16 08:21 pm (UTC)Uh—woah, hey. Haven't seen you in this look for a while.
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Date: 2022-09-16 08:28 pm (UTC)[ No, it's not real. Shoka already told her that, multiple times. But looking at her scaled hand, feeling the ground under her feet, it's hard to believe this is a simulation. ]
It feels so real... [ She looks up guiltily at her now-human friend - she'd automatically grabbed Shoka's hand, fragile in her own monstrous one, to help her balance. ] Sorry, I got it wrong... um--
[ Wait, she can do this. How does she human again. ]
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Date: 2022-09-16 09:35 pm (UTC)[She apparently hadn't considered the form change to have any real meaning to be dwelled on (it could have been motivated by anything, as far as she knows, from a genuine wish to a stray memory), until Nanami finishes her thought. Got it wrong. Shoka frowns, at first puzzled, then a touch concerned.]
Hey, I told you it's whatever you want, right? And it's not like these airheads— [She gestures with a vague motion of her free hand to the simulated people milling about around them.] —Are gonna care if they see a monster.
[She's reminded suddenly of Nanami's Narrator, back in the stage world, who had appeared human at first, before she also dropped it for a Mer form.]
Is this how you wanna look right now?
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Date: 2022-09-16 09:47 pm (UTC)She shakes her head, frowning. She's definitely overthinking this. ]
I don't really know... I'm sorry. [ She hesitates. ]
I'm... I'm gonna try something.
[ Her scales slowly recede, her tentacles flaring out into - normal hair, for the first time since April. She's skin and flesh and bone again, human just the way she was when she first arrived in Ryslig.
Just the way she was when she left Hope's Peak.
Blood begins to blossom on her clothes, her school uniform - in several spots, but she hasn't noticed it yet. She's too busy staring at her human hand. ]
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Date: 2022-09-16 10:26 pm (UTC)[They have literally all day, after all—but uncertainty takes root in Shoka's mind once she notices the blood beginning to seep through Nanami's clothes. Nanami's definitely overthinking this. Try as she might not to react too much, Shoka does furrow her brow a bit, her gaze moving to those red-stained spots before she can think to stop it.]
You—don't have to force it. Or make it super accurate or anything. Just... feel it out, I guess. Find what's comfortable. [A pause. Nanami's hand has shifted in hers, taking on a confused texture that her brain can't quite seem to parse, but the weight is the same.] It'll still be you, no matter what you settle on for right now. Or even if you change it up later... Right?
cw: blood, emeto, PTSD
Date: 2022-09-16 11:52 pm (UTC)The self in the arena-- was that her? The Narrator-- was that her?
She's been human, merperson, nymph; alive, dead; an Ultimate Gamer; when all that's taken away, what is she?
She looks down at herself - the blood on her clothes is spreading. She coughs suddenly and sinks to her knees, dragging Shoka down with her - blood drips from Nanami's mouth. Tears well up in her eyes, and she starts to hyperventilate. ]
S-sorry-- s-sorry, Sakurane-san, I don't know wh-- hggkk. [ She spits up another mouthful of blood. A dark red pool is spreading on the pavement underneath her. ]
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Date: 2022-09-17 01:23 am (UTC)[Suddenly they're knelt on the ground together, and there's blood everywhere, oozing from familiar wounds and between her lips, then pooling beneath her. Shoka's panic spikes, before she remembers.]
Hey—s-stay with me, all right? It's not real... [Her mind flips an invisible switch; as if to prove her point, Shibuya suddenly unravels, the trees, buildings, and people all breaking down into pixels before they vanish entirely, returning them to the plain simulation room. With her part of the simulation dispelled, Shoka sits on her knees in her Kelpie form.] It's not real, okay? We're just in the Cube... back in Ryslig.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-17 01:37 am (UTC)[ The ground beneath them is no longer pavement. The blood at the edge of the pool looks pixelly at this distance, too, or maybe it's just the unreality of it finally reaching Nanami's mind...
The pool slowly dissolves away, as do the wounds on her body - and in a few seconds, she's a nymph again, kneeling on the ground, catching her breath with huge shuddering gasps. ]
S-sorry... ahh... [ She covers her face with her free leafy hand. She feels SO embarrassed. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-17 01:53 am (UTC)[That's supposed to help, right? Deep breathing?
Shoka falls silent then, waiting until all the red has faded from view and Nanami's breathing seems to have evened out to speak. She wants to ask what happened, where Nanami went in her mind to create that, but it isn't really her business, and she thinks she already knows the answer anyway.
Instead:] ... You wanna get out of here?
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Date: 2022-09-17 02:08 am (UTC)She wasn't, of course. She got those memories later. But it's hard to completely ignore that other self she remembers being, just for a few days - and all the people who visited her stage, to play the game with her.
And if not for the Narrator, well, she herself had been sitting at that stage - so she knows Shoka knows.
She feels weak, and stupid. Her breathing evens out, slowly over time. ]
J-just... a minute... [ And after all of that, she still doesn't know what she wants. She forces a little laugh, looking out the corner of her eye at the kelpie, her friend she cares so much about, who after all that is still by her side. ]
Dying... sucks, huh?...
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Date: 2022-09-17 06:04 am (UTC)[So she's heard from many by this point, and so she's figured by seeing Nanami's death (first and second) for herself, even if she would be hesitant to say the same for her own case.
Her words are punctuated by a stretch of silence as she wracks her brain for what to say, if anything. More questions seems like too much, and she shouldn't say that aloud, because this isn't about her—but Nanami asked for a minute. Maybe she could use a glimpse outside her own head right now.]
Or... so I've heard. For me though... [Shoka shrugs, nonchalant.] I dunno. It wasn't so bad.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-17 06:20 am (UTC)[ Nanami looks up at her with genuine surprise.
Because for all the times that she felt like things were hopeless, like she was just getting by until the end eventually came-- for all that, both of the times she'd died had been... really scary. She hadn't wanted to go. She'd clung desperately to life until the end, and then she came back different, too.
The treegirl glances uneasily around the room, not sure if asking more would... trigger something. Or if she even should, if it would be prying. But the casual way Shoka talked about it... it's enough for Nanami to hesitantly ask. ]
What was it like... for you?
cw: suicide
Date: 2022-09-17 05:51 pm (UTC)[Just in case Nanami was worried about her conjuring up some new simulated horror into the room. Instead, it remains plain and empty as her words plod too casually on.]
I didn't really even notice what was happening, until... it was too late, I guess. And when it hit me, it was like... [Her shoulders form an exaggerated shrug.] "Okay, guess this is happening"... you know? I think I could've made it if I could've just convinced myself to try. But I couldn't anymore. And then—it was just over. Easy.
[But then came the Game, and Joshua, and Ryslig—second chance after second chance, when she hadn't even wanted the first one. Eventually, she'd started to understand for herself what it felt like to want to keep fighting, to have things worth remembering, and still the doubt remained, telling her she didn't deserve it, wasn't cut out for it, wouldn't ever be cut out for it—but that's too much to say. Her gaze, which at some point in her answer had wandered elsewhere, returns to meet Nanami's.]
For people like you... who've still got fight in 'em... It's different. It really sucks. I mean, it's... no wonder you can't stop thinking about it. Because it fucking sucked.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-18 07:39 am (UTC)But it shouldn't be that way. Shoka is good and kind and--
Before she's even really thought about it, she's closed the distance between them and pulling the kelpie into a tight hug. ]
I'm really... really glad you got another chance.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-18 11:47 pm (UTC)She should push Nanami away, tell her to cool it with the sappy shit—but it feels good. It feels too good, to be held, to have someone there, tangible and glad she's alive. It makes her glad to be alive, too. Her arms move to wrap themselves loosely around Nanami in kind, fingers curled against her back.]
Y-yeah... [Her voice is tight.] Same to you...
[For a little while, that's all there is: them clinging to each other in the nothing. Though the room stays blank and empty, Shoka feels too many things at once: warmth and affection for Nanami, relief, anger that she missed out on this for an entire lifetime, embarrassment, worry that she's let it drag on just a little too long...
She won't be the first to let go, but she is the first to speak, her tone forced casual in the hopes of lightening the mood, but still gentle.]
Okay... Cut it out, all right? And... tell me what you need. To—feel better, or whatever.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-18 11:54 pm (UTC)But ever since she got back from the wasteland, and then shrank out of her fog form into something more human-like... it's hard not to want to cling onto the people she cares about.
Shoka's warm, and she can feel her leafy fingers sticking a bit to the tendrils on her back. But Nanami doesn't mind. It's comforting, after the flashback she just had.
When Shoka speaks up first, Nanami laughs a little and gives her one last squeeze, before pulling away. She takes a deep breath. ]
I want to try again... I still want to learn FanGO with you, Sakurane-san.
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